I want to go on ride, in the county, where the air is crisp, and the trees are changing colors, where there are no city lights, and the sky is so clear that i can see the stars twinkle.
a few weeks ago, i was working my 10 hour a day job, coming home and doing school work for about 3 or 4 hours on top of that, and was sick, and i dont get sick much, but when i do, you can pretty much say that i will be bitchy, without meaning to be, that week was the worst. my thoughts overtook me, all the things that i thing “bad” of myself came into play and hung out in my head and heart. things like i am not good enough, that i am suck in my own “hell” that i have created, that i will never find someone who loves me just for who i am, and that will help me and challenge me to be a better person, someone who will not try to change me, but get me for who i am, then i had the thoughts of all the people in the past that i thought that i could trust, and that i thought knew me, and i thought “got” me. and how, now that was so far from the case, but then i thought, “well, at the time, they were good in my life, and good things came from it” and then it hit me…we all know the saying about how people come in your lifes and leave, but they live footprints on your heart” and that is true, but i wounder how many bad footprints i have to the good ones? i know that people come for seasons, and are there for a reason, i tend to like to stretch out the seasons sometimes, not only for me, but i grow attacted really fast,and give everything that i can put it a friendship/relationships, untill i am bone dry, and i think that if i had said thank you for that time, and have stopped opening the “door” everytime it was closed then maybe i wouldn’t “hurt” so much, and when i say hurt, id ont mean like broken hearted, i mean like when you fall and scrape your knee from running when you know you shoud have been walking…while at the time it hurts and it burns, but it heals in a few days…and then, what about the ones where the door is wide open, but i am to scared to walk though the door? it doesnt stay open for long, before someone else comes in and closes it….
then i was freaking out about school…i KNOW that it is something that i NEED to do, but i dont know why…and the there is work, and what am i going to do when my people move? what does that mean?
so then, laying in my bed…sick..and very bitchy, i was like fine, i will just read, and the only book that i could get to without getting out of bed was my bible…i am not going to act like that was what i wanted to read, even though the state of mind i was in, i needed to read it, so i flipped the pages and kept flipping i came to this….
“Arise my darling, my beautiful one, and come along. for behold, the winter is past, the rain is over and gone, the flowers have already appeared in the land, the time has arrived for pruning the vines, and the voice of the turtledove has been heard in our land. the fig tree has ripened its figs and the vines in blossom have given forth their fragrance. Arise my darling, my beautiful one, and come along”(songs 2:10-13)
Darling is my fave thing to be called ever…i think it is one of the sweetest things to call people that you love.
then i was like oh lets go find some music…so i did…and i started to listen to OwlCity (i know i know, everyone out there pretty much is in love with them, well, its pretty much one dude, but whateve. (: )
and i played “The SaltWater Room” and fell in love with it…
“Time together is just never quite enough
When you and I are alone, I’ve never felt so at home
What will it take to make or break this hint of love?
We need time, only time
When we’re apart whatever are you thinking of?
If this is what I call home, why does it feel so alone?
So tell me darling, do you wish we’d fall in love?
All the time, all the time”
that was a huge Jesus thing for me. and something i would like to actually happen down here on earth in my life… : )
but mainly Jesus…
how often does He ask “So tell me Darling, do you wish we’d fall in love”
and so many times we are to scared, or we are to busy questioning what it means to be a “christian” and if we are “religious” or not, when we are all just looking to someone to love us, when all the time, somone is always around loving us just where we are, and He is just waiting on us to want to fall in love.i wish that people knew how much freedom there is in the Lord, much for freedom than without Him.
What will it take for us to break this hint of love?
I love you my laughing sunflower…..thank you for sharing your heart with me….