October 12, 2009

I should never think
What’s in your heart
What’s in our home
So I won’t

You’ll learn to hate me
But still call me baby
Oh Love
So call me by my name

And oh, save your soul
save your soul
Before you’re too far gone
Before nothing can be done

I’ll try to decide when
She’ll lie in the end
I ain’t got no fight in me
In this whole damn world
To tell you to hold off
You choose to hold on
It’s the one thing that I’ve known

Once I put my coat on
I’m coming out of this all wrong
She’s standing outside holding me
Saying oh please
I’m in love
I’m in love

Girl save your soul
Save your soul
Before you’re too far gone
And before nothing can be done

i enjoy this song, just because, if you know me, and you know how somethings work in my life, you will understand.

Here I am laying on my floor, near my opened window, hearing the rain start to fall, and the cars speed by, i love the sound that the tires of a moving car make in the rain, it some how makes me think of waves in the ocean.

the past few days have been interesting to say the least. When i started this school deal, i knew that big changes were going to be happening in my life, but i somehow failed to see how there would also be changes in me, personally, how i over looked that fact, i have no idea, but i can say this, now that i can see the personal change in me, and acccept it for good, things in my life have also been changed in big ways, someone showed mercy on me last thursday, that completley changed my life, i was in a sitituation that i should have never been in, with my apartment, i couldnt get a hold of momma to talk to her about, i was kinda freaking out, but not as much as i thought i should be, it was something that there was NO joy in, at all, but we are to be joyful at all times, so i did my best to have a good heart when i had to make a call to fix my issue. needless to say, i was shown mercy from someone who knew nothing of me, but that i had messed up…this changed my life…being shown real mercy from someone who doesnt know you…dang…thank you Jesus.

a few nights later i got a call from an old friend, who just wanted to talk, i haven’t been able to figure out what it was about this person, that made me feel the way that i did about them, so me, being me, just went on and talked and talked,then i was really stressing out, i couldnt get my feelings to settle down, so i prayed for an answer, and well, i got the answer, and i laughed alot. but i know where person and me stand, at least on my end, and i am pretty sure by the answer i got on the other end as well, then a few days after that, i was talking to another old friend, one that is always hard for me to talk about..not many people get “stuck” in my heart, and most of the ones that do, know they do, they have been there with me though a ton of things in my life, good and bad, well, so this said friend and i were talking, and things were being said, that i already knew, i guess i just never wanted to hear them being said, cause of what it would do to my heart. and yes,my heart is a little soggy (not in the best way, but not in the worst way) i never been good at standing up to things when it come to me, but i can stand up for other people, just not me, but i am leaning, no one (other than Jesus) can stand up for me better than i can. there are a few people that truly know me well enoght to stand up for me, and when they do, i am very greatful. i am very freaked out by things going on right now, but i know its all for good, and i know that my time from today untill the start of july are very important.

for now, i am going to enjoy a cup of coffee on my porch and enjoy the romance of the weather today.

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